Today, I’m thinking about the wave(s) of love, the balance,
between autonomy and connection,
between stability and freedom,
between effort and surrender.
I love the Tedtalk by Reuben Margolin for all of the silence the artist invites into his “talk.”
Here is my contemplation on love today….
I had a sense that deep dive into relationship could offer an opportunity for growth, right? I ASKED the universe for this chance to see what it is like to be all the way “off the couch” with a partner willing to do the same. I stumbled through so many years of marriage where I didn’t talk about it, avoided both of our feelings, was disconnected from our bodies. As hard as that was, it was not easy on any of us to live with the choice I made to move away from that style of living. It felt imperative that I make the move “worth it.
So, I studied for my second life: meditation, workshops, books, therapy. I selected a new life for myself with care and clear intention.
So here I am, deep in it. And I was right. I belong here. And there is an ease to noticing that when I am on the right path, the universe comes up to meet me. And also, there is still struggle. Every time we reach a new level of light, shed a few unnecessary layers, what gets exposed is excruciating, beautiful, challenging.
It’s like a wave…
We ride up, exhilarated, hands clasped together, big toothy grins. We reach the peak, look around together at the horizon, amazed by the possibilities.
Deep breath, and then comes the ride down, the natural pulling back into self for integration, passing through the baseline, noticing it is a little higher than it was last time, but still feeling the contrast with the peak.
To the bottom, where each of our egos and wounds and past lives poke up, asking to be witnessed, embraced, taken “With” for the inevitable ascent. That long pause at the bottom, with the view completely obscured, is the real invitation to faith, to awe, to gratitude. I dig in. He digs in. I reach out. He reaches out. In this low light place, we offer each other insights into what we can each feel out, like the blind men and the elephant, we share what we know, begin to form a mosaic view of the wholeness.
Which kicks off the ascent. No rushing that either, it takes its sweet time pulled by the memory we share of what it is like up there, we “pass Go,” collect our sustenance, humble ourselves to the way this game is challenging, but almost impossible without a play partner, appreciate each other’s growing skills and effort.
I don’t want anything else but to be on this journey, in this life, with this partner. This isn’t needless drama or some kind of manic cycle. This is soul work.
It is right effort, and effort nonetheless. So I bow my sweaty brow, deep and low, to the mystery, invite my body to be supple and steady, to maintain balance in the movement.