I just found this in my drafts. Not sure when I wrote this, thinking sometime between June and October. I’m using it as my “catch up” positive journaling.
Resiliency data related to children growing up in crisis shows that it doesn’t take a miracle, or a savior. You don’t have to take away all of the problems, remove the child entirely from the situation, solve all of the ills in his or her life, to make the difference… to shift their destiny from the sociopath about whom everyone says: “we always knew something wasn’t right there” to the functional adult about whom everyone knows “there goes a strong person I can trust.” You just need to shine some light, provide a lens that says “this is another way to see the world” or “you belong somewhere” or “you get to make different choices.”
I’ve always found comfort in that thought, slept better knowing I can make a difference without losing myself to the vortex of crisis I’m so drawn towards, Felt appreciative that my Mom saved me from the childhood she had. But suffering is not relative, and now I wonder, who will reach in for me, pluck me from this crowded place to shake me off and show me the way, that there’s another way to be in the world, that I belong somewhere where people care, that my choices are just fine? And then I find odd comfort in realizing that no one is coming to do that except for me.