I am saying “Bon voyage” to a very special person today, and find myself wanting to offer a special gift for her journey. But as I think about it, I know she has everything she needs, including the resources to get what she needs, so I am left with only words.
Words matter, and can be quite a gift when offered with the proper intention, so here is my gift today for two amazing women who are already deeply on their nomadic journey together. I’m sure that by the time I’m done writing this, I will realize this advice is for me, really, but it is my hope that it helps anyway. I have three simple bumper stickers for you:
Go all the way in.
Allow yourself to be fully seen.
Be willing to drop down.
Go all the way in. I know you have been hurt, and that it seems smart to keep some bits of yourself walled off and safe, but that holding back of your truth from your partner and yourself – that is the most profound cause of suffering that exists.
Allow yourself to be fully seen. First and always, by you. Remember that time when you were head spinning falling in love with her? Remember all that stuff you thought about her, that in month 4 and beyond continues to be a shock when you learn it isn’t Her truth? Yeah, that stuff is what YOU desire to BE, or have in your life, not something you find in a partner. Sit with that. Something was missing from your life, and this amazing woman showed up and seemed like the key to filling the gap(s). You were right about what was missing, and that she is amazing, but it is because she helps you visualize a better truth for yourself. Manifest that and be the whole partner she and you each deserve. And from that place…
Be willing to drop down. We shoot our heaviest artillery at the ones closest to us. Whether it is you or her bringing that out, if at least one of you are willing to literally lie flat in the midst of that storm, there will be less suffering.
Which brings me back to: allow yourself to fully be seen. You know those times when it feels like you are pushing a rock up a hill? That’s because you are laden with stories; stories about her, stories about your self, that are far heavier than the truth. So drop down, together. Notice from there how that heavy rock just rolls away effortlessly between you and now you can really see her. See her. Lying flat on the ground, letting go of the struggle and the suffering. See her honest and grounded, sweet sweaty brow and strong arms and imagine what you two can do together with all this extra energy you liberated together because you were willing to drop down, see and be seen, and go all the way in.