On Feeding My Whole Self

One of my (beloved) on-line communities has been discussing addictions, including over-eating.

Here is what I want to share about my compulsive eating:

Eating and feeding has been a primary communication mechanism for my whole life.

I may not have know how to feel, or what to say, but I knew how to eat.

When I was depressed, I couldn’t ask for help, but I could have another serving and that would feel like SOMETHING.

When I haven’t been able to tell my family how I really feel, I could cook for them and watch my effort go into their bodies and believe that was some kind of connection.

As I’ve woken up, gotten connected to myself, community, love, I’m learning so many more forms of communication, and the food just gets less and less important in my life. I still slip, but every atom in my body that I allow to start feeling unconditional love for myself becomes one less craving.

My beloved housemate brings “God food” into the house – raw greens, protein powder, frozen organic fruit for smoothies. Even if I didn’t like the taste of these foods (lucky, I DO), I know how much love comes attached to them
and they feel amazing to put into my body. I let myself eat these and feel love. I used to not think I was worth the added expense of these types of foods, and now I know instead that those french fries aren’t worth the way they will make me feel. And this type of eating is so much less work! I used to spend 15 hours a week doing food prep, cooking and cleaning, and now I have an extra 13 hours to spend actually connecting.

When I want more connection with my kids, I am learning to ask “What do you want to do together?” rather than “What can I feed you?” And I do notice their programming, the way they get bored and wander to the kitchen. I’m
trying to find the right way to have that healthy choice conversation without shaming.

But I still feel the “Hunger.” Daily.
When I feel that deep empty ache in my gut, I ask myself if I’m HUNGRY or just feeling EMPTY?
If the answer is EMPTY, I’m trying to learn to feed something other than my taste buds and stomach – like feeding my other chakras (first, I had to learn that I HAVE chakras).

Here are some of my new “comfort foods” starting from the top:
– I stimulate my crown & third eye with meditation/contemplation/music (If I think about it, this probably feels better than a martini!)
– I feel richness in my throat chakra by singing cheesy love songs or chanting kirtan too loudly and out of tune. (This feels like a VERY creative fusion recipe to me.)
– I exercise my heart by expressing my love unabashedly by regularly saying stuff like this: I love you and it feels good. (This feels so much better than my Grandma’s “Clean Plate Club.”)
– I take my fabulous body to yoga and feel my core getting stronger every time. (Meat and potatoes, got NOTHING on being able to do the triangle pose properly or that feeling I get when my spine cracks back into place!)
– I don’t leave ANY chakras out – with a regular practice of self pleasure whether I’m partnered or not. (Expensive one-time meal out? No thanks, I’ve got this awesome handy purple vibrator I got at CVS for $35 and some
environmentally friendly rechargeable batteries!)
– And then the root. This was why I needed to eat so much for so long – because I couldn’t feel my own base, my own connection to the people and places of this earth. I hear some folks can hear trees, I’m working on
that. I’ll keep you posted.

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